I've been reading the online debate between Umar Lee and Ali Eteraz on the topic of polygyny. Umar argues that when the correct conditions are fulfilled polygyny should be a viable option for anyone wanting to enter into such a relationship, whereas Ali, effectively argues that polygyny is an outdated practice and has no place in an ideal society. Those aren't his exact words, but thats basically what he is saying.
I agree more with Umar than Ali, and i wanted to comment on some of the points raised in the debate and in the comments section.
The first thing i want to comment on is Ali's notion that a welfare state would be enough to fulfil the needs of women who are unfortunate enough not to have a husband. I could agree with that if i believed that such women would prefer to stay single and have the state provide a basic standard of living, as opposed the chance to have a husband (albeit shared) and the opportunity to have their own children.
Lets also look at some stats. According to estimated figures from 2005 if each male married one woman in Egypt, there would be 5 million surplus women (about 6% of the Egyptian population); in Pakistan there would be 6 million, and in Indonesia there would be a staggering 33 million women on the road "spinsterhood."
Any solutions for the above problem that do not offer polygyny as an option are doomed to failure, if only from a practical point of view.
The second issue is that people abhor the thought of a man taking a second wife "just to fulfil his desires." I think so what? They don't raise that objection when a man wants to take his first wife. At that time its all "get married brother," and "do it the halal way". So how does it suddenly become an issue when he wants to take a second wife for the same reason?
I don't see myself as particularly pro-polygyny, i'm just like Umar, if polygyny takes your fancy and you can live up to its requirements, then great, say bismillah and go for it. But the anti-polygyny brigade (generally consisting of women - who are hardly going to be unbiased on this topic - and apologists) just annoy me with their bogus arguments.
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5 comments:
Its amazing that those who are anti-polygyny don't apply the same rule to themselves - by having more than one child!
What's the difference between having two wives and two children in this context? Hardly anything.
Children need more emotional, spiritual and educational attention than and adult woman does, but nobody says having more than one child is abhorant.
Many who hold the anti-polygyny opinion lack objectvity and critical thinking. If they did that it would add far more to the debate.
As-Salaamu 'alaikum,
I'm not anti-polygyny, but what I am against is men who deceive women by marrying them without telling them they already have a wife. They know full well that most women would not marry them knowing this, so they leave them to find out later. I recently met one who had had this trick played on her by some unscrupulous "brother", and she would not go back to him for love nor money.
If you get yourself money or property on false pretences, you get thrown in jail. Why would anyone think can get a woman that way?
"People abhor the thought of a man taking a second wife "just to fulfil his desires." I think so what? They don't raise that objection when a man wants to take his first wife. At that time its all "get married brother," and "do it the halal way". So how does it suddenly become an issue when he wants to take a second wife for the same reason?"
Because many brothers present what is merely lust-satisfying as a humanitarian act. If it's just to satisfy their desires then fine, there's nothing wrong with that, and like you said that's the main reason for marriage anyway but they should say it like it is. Fact is within the minority of brothers who do practice polygyny there's an even smaller minority who do it justly and honestly. Hence the failure stories, hence the bashers.
Saabirah, perhaps then, what is needed is for these guys who take these sisters for a ride need to be named and shamed in their local communities?
Taking the sisters for a ride? I take it you're referring to the guys who marry pretending they're not already married? Perhaps. I know if a man deceived me or someone close to me in this way, I'd certainly WANT to make it known to people so they think twice before they marry their daughter/sister to him. As far as ACTUALLY doing it i.e. naming and shaming for this reason, I'm not sure if it's Islamically allowed? Realistically though, many a time a sister feels she has little choice but to persevere in the marriage once married. I wonder if she actually has the right to annul the marriage because it was a transaction done under deception? Did this example come up in the Mark of a Jurist/The Real Deal?
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